An often discussed question while comparing different distance running tasks is: what is more difficult? The only true answer is – it does not matter.

But lets have a look into the various factors which can contribute to difficulty and what they may/should/can mean – or at least: what they mean to me while striving:

Support. Clearly this is a nice to have. Really. It helps a lot to see friendly faces esp. if their supply bottles are full. On the other hand this distracts you. Breaks your rhythm. And no matter how desperate you were waiting for those moments of relieve – at the end they are dangerous. Offering you a possibility for an easy way out. A quick DNF. You cool down (body and mind) quite fast and its getting more and more difficult to get back into it the longer you rest. To leave those nice folks to continue is getting more and more brutal.

Race Atmosphere. Also great. A lot of people source all of their energy from the competition. But to be dependent from this does not help at all. What if you end up in these useless and nonsense adventures you do with a bunch of friends. There is no one competing. No one to run to or away from. Sometimes no one is following what you are doing. What drives you then? What is THE motivation to finish although its stupid? I overcame this a long time ago. I can envision an entry into an excel sheet, a Garmin badge or the chat entry into a group of idiots as my reward and grade it equally high as an official finish at a race. I would have stopped a million times if I needed a race around me (I still enjoy the atmosphere though).

Other Runners. Also a nice thing. Even better if its friends during one of the stupid long adventure runs. On the other hand its not only you then. A certain percentages of their problems become yours as well. If the other(s) DNF what are you going to do? Will you have the guts or will you fall as well? So to be able to manage everything alone is essential. Maybe esp. in the moments where you are not alone. Because everything can happen.

CPs. Similar to support. Really nice. A warm, cozy and safe place if you are lucky. Some food. Friendly people. So why not stay for good? So many runners couldn’t resist the comfort. So enter the door carefully. Brace yourself. Make sure to remain a cold, distant and not belonging atmosphere deep inside you. While eating through delicious Tortellini with ham, cheese and pesto (credits to CP4@LT – you are amazing!) be clear to yourself: your destiny is that dark world outside of that door. All too soon you will need to face the hell again.

Conditions. Nothing to say here really: its the same for everyone. Of course that is a strange statement when its only the two of you out there on that ferry in Ijmuiden with rain and wind howling and punching your face. Its around 4°C but feels like freezing. Its the middle of the night and every human on earth is safely sleeping. But. So? Its the same for everyone. Just shout it often enough into that night until it makes you laugh or believe. Whatever. It does not matter.

At the end it should be crystal clear: it does not matter. Not at all.

What drives me at the end is shear determination. Determination to get the task done. What else would have made me finish?

That one LEO180 at the end of night 2 – alone for what felt like days. With a bad ankle. It hurt quite a bit and although nothing serious it was immensely annoying. I stuffed frozen gras into my socks to cool. Then I met a surprise support which felt nice until I realised that the promised Coke was empty. There I stood. Too far from finish to dream with enough issues for a solid DNF. With my no coke face. But I started to realize that I should accept all my issues. Welcome them. Collect them. Wear them like an invisible crown. Make them my little treasures and make it my task to deliver them to the finish.

That other LEO180. This time it was the two of us. After a horrible second night we were left with 60k and 10h of time limits. Moving with 4-5 km/h. A clear DNF – 0% chance to finish. Both of us were at the very low. But B. came up with a little game. We should run 6k starting from the full hour without any excuses and stops and were then allowed to walk the rest of the hour. We finished with 50min spare.

There are tons of more moments like this – you will find them in all those report across that page. Letting the demons and problems being a part of you has been THE essential thing to get it done. Each and every situation was too much to endure – the relieve of resistance and finally finishing is a priceless reward.