1. Teuflischer Biber Ultra 2024

Not all those who wander are lost!

Its usually a very very thin line if you base something on a famous project. You don’t want to be too close and you don’t want to be too far away either. You don’t want to copy exactly and although you know you will never going to create the same atmosphere you want to create something in that style with a unique and distinguishing flavour to it.

No need to mention the original – those who know know.

Although my initial feelings when I heard the concept were a bit mixed because of the above described challenges but the first edition of the Teuflischer Biber Ultra did very well and created a great experience. 6 runners signed up – 4 actually made their way to the Camp Hammer camping ground in the lovely Eifel where the first edition of the race had its base camp and start/finish location.

The concept is pretty simple. The race starts within a given time period (indicated by a signal of the RD giving you a 30 min to start warning) and the task is to complete a somewhat 60 km loop in 10 hours. Within these 10 hours you have to get ready for the second loop as well and sign off for the next loop before the 10 hours elapses. You can continue that game as long as you stay within the given 10h time rhythm for a max of 6 loops – 360 km. To prove that you completed all parts of the track 15 books were (well) hidden along the course and pages had to be torn out matching your bib number. Each loop a new bib. Only by showing the 15 pages you are allowed to continue. The first runner to start the next loop determines if the loop is to be run clockwise or counter-clockwise by throwing a stone. Sounds a lot to remember but nicely falls into place while doing it.

As the loop will never be exactly the same we are allowed to talk about what has happened starting February 3rd 2024 07:43 AM. Except for one book I will not give away the book hidings – who knows if some of the locations make it into the next editions. I will keep this knowledge and will use it to my advantage most definitely :).

The first loops challenge was clearly to locate the books. 2h before race start we received the GPX for the loop as we were allowed to use our electronic friends and a paper map indicating the book locations. A really brief description on 2 pieces of paper gave one sentence and sometimes a picture for each of the books which should help us to find them. To be honest – most of them were not really helpful. During the race briefing we got some additional hints but still – it was pretty sure that maintaining 6 km/h on a rough 2200 D+ 60 km loop while playing hide and seek with 15 books was on the edge of possibility for a slow runner like me. Perfect – exactly how this format should be presented. Possible for one loop but on the edge for me. Possible for several loops for the really strong ultra runners. Possible to complete 6 loops – questionable. It was up to us how to best prepare in the last two hours before start so I used some of my Garmin Connect knowledge’s to ease the job ahead.

Finally we started at 07:43 on Saturday 3rd of February 2024. The 4 of us. First loop was to be run counterclockwise and the book bags were numbered 1 to 15 – good to check along the way if all was well with finding them all. Daylight helped as well. Running with Désirée in the first loop meant having 4 eyes looking for books. Wouter and Teun teamed up as well at least for some parts on loop 1. In general probably a wise thing on loop 1 to be quicker in finding the books. Still: it took a while at each location. I think we only found 3-4 books within 1-2 minutes – the other took 5-10 minutes each. This adds up a substantial amount of time for the first loop. The track was well designed and offered some parts which were easily runnable. Thanks for this. It would have been impossible for me without these parts. The book/km density varied quite a bit as well which was good too as in some parts there were 5-7 km to the next book making it more easy to focus on getting some time advantage to this 6 km/h to make up for the time lost during the searches. Real fun but on the edge of being a bit stressful. We made it back with 45 min spare. Désirée stopped as planned before start – I continued on loop 2 with 20 min extra – roughly one hour behind Wouter and Teun. Although it was now really easy to locate the books (we were running in the same direction as loop one) the needed speed in that terrain together with a tired body made it more and more clear that finishing loop 2 within 20 h would not do for me. I was not really angry about that and decided to enjoy the experience being out there in the dark Eifel with constant light rain chasing and tearing out those pages. Until I had enough. I called the RD and was picked up in Erkensruhr for good.

On loop 1 it was uncertain if we would be in time – so starting loop 2 was the goal. Before the race I was dreaming of entering loop 3 – as I think that this is what I can do when everything is perfect. That it was going to be impossible for me was clear before start. So I am happily accepting it and made some valuable experiences to come back one day and push for 3 loops. Beyond that is expert terrain – so I am going to leave that with the experts.

Thanks to Michael, Kevin and Bianca for being stubborn enough to put the Teuflischer Biber Ultra on the race calendar – please keep it there. If it gets the attention it deserves it will grow. The seed is planted.

Désirée, Teun, Wouter – it was an honor to enjoy a nice camping weekend with you. Thanks for pushing at the end of loop 1 Désirée – I needed it. Teun – I still love your poem you wrote for us during Another One Bites the Dust Corona Edition. Apart from that we rarely met and it was my pleasure to finally spend some time. Amazing how you pulled of 4 loops – there are only a few, but you may have the 6 loops in you one day. Wouter – we mainly offend each other in various FB chats. It was great to have the possibility to do that face-to-face. We should do that more often.

Ah: what you all have been waiting for – the books. I only took pictures of some of them but here is a selection of titles:

Die Reisenden
Target
Nur nicht stehenbleiben
Als meine Fehler laufen lernten
Eiertanz
Du mich auch
Survivor
The ask and the answer
Tote lügen nicht

8.5 of 10!
Elapsed Time Moving Time Distance Average Speed Max Speed Elevation Gain Calories Burned
16:37:25
hours
13:51:18
hours
90,22
km
11:03
min/km
2:56
min/km
3.529,00
meters
6.503
kcal
⛰️ Holderknipp (407 m) • 🦶⬆️ 2024 = 7,946 m | 🌐 summitbag.com

The 2024 results:

15 pages – Désirée
26 pages – Tim
30 pages – Wouter
60 pages – Teun

Writing this its Monday 5th of February 11:00. 8 more hours to finish loop 6. This feels strange. Somehow incomplete.

179. MDM Breisach Rheinwald Ultra Marathon

Am 27.01.2024 stand das Auswärtsspiel in Breisach auch dem Plan. Eingeladen hat die Mon Devoir Marathon Gruppe welche seit 2014 Marathon+ mit Einladungsläufe Spenden zu Gunsten eines Schulprojektes in Togo sammelt. Keine Startgelder dafür aber Spenden sammeln bzw. Startgelder welche zu 100% in den Spendentopf geworfen werden. Ein schönes Projekt und eine absolut beeindruckende Beharrlichkeit – wo hat man schon einmal die Chance an einem 179. Lauf einer Serie teilzunehmen…

Diesmal sah das Protokoll einen 50 km “Ultra” vor. Um die Versorgung und das Mitlaufen kürzerer Teilstrecken zu ermöglichen wurde dieser auf einer 5 km Runde in Breisach am Rhein veranstaltet. Bis zu max. 10 Runden sollten/durften also gelaufen werden. Gegen 8 Uhr ging es mit einer Truppe von 18 Teilnehmenden (zwei Läuferinnen kamen später noch auf ein paar Runden vorbei) auf die Strecke und über den Vormittag wurden fleißig Runden und km gesammelt – in unterschiedlicher Intensität. Sogar heißen Tee und ein paar Snacks gab es aus einem Kofferraum. Ein rundum schöner Vormittag mit einer sehr netten Truppe.

Das spätere Kaiserwetter wurde nur von einer unfassbar schönen Morgenstimmung getoppt die das Sahnehäubchen auf der schönen Veranstaltung war. Thanks for having me!

Run Throughout The Year #rtty

Simple rules are always great. So the challenge from cockbainevents.com must be brilliant:

But, well. Turned out that there are some twists to it. I was absolutely unprepared for the fact that there are months not offering a 50 miler per default. Race months fine – don’t even need to to think about them. But what about the others? Strange. Another striking finding was that 50 mi are kind-of-longer compared to a standard long run (around Marathon). And, even more surprisingly, substantially longer. Like almost double – a distance which requires some determination to get it done outside of races.

Taking all that together this challenges requires just as much determination, dedication, consistency and grid to make it unpleasant. And I think that’s exactly what Mark had in mind. All is well. Clear recommendation. Its just that tiny amount of uneasiness that makes it extremely annoying.

MonthRunLinkDate
February 2023Montane Legends Trail (275k)https://www.strava.com/activities/859238081517.02.2023
March 202324h Sittard (163k)https://www.strava.com/activities/874164589218.03.2023
April 2023Venntrilogie (108k)https://www.strava.com/activities/894399349922.04.2023
May 202350 mi LKS (80.8k)https://www.strava.com/activities/902979572607.05.2023
June 2023Biber Backyard Ultra (140k)https://www.strava.com/activities/919805043203.06.2023
July 2023Schinder Prison Break (241k)https://www.strava.com/activities/941973471207.07.2023
August 2023Hinweg + Monschau Marathon K70 (100k)https://www.strava.com/activities/963932598713.08.2023
September 2023Infernal Trail des Vosges (208k)https://www.strava.com/activities/981806987007.09.2023
October 2023Tour Nordeifel (50 mi)https://www.strava.com/activities/9966830373/03.10.2023
November 2023Hohe Mark Trail (100 mi)https://www.strava.com/activities/1014817308601.11.2023
December 2023X-MAS-50@Lousberg (50 mi)https://www.strava.com/activities/1043504066825.12.2023
January 2024mAMa 2024 + Warm-Uphttps://www.strava.com/activities/1055173922313.01.2024

10 years

Back in 2014 we had no idea:

2014 – Limburgs Halfzware 75k

Back in 2015 we asked ourselves some questions:

Limburgs Zwarste 2015 – 100k

Back in 2016 we started to explore…

2016 – random fun

Back in 2017 we met new friends:

2017: DCUrbN 100k

Back in 2018 we tried new things:

2018: TTdR 230k

Back in 2019 we received some Dutch Bling Bling:

LEO180 2019 – 210k

Back in 2020 we explored the darkness:

2020 GR Hageland – 150k

Back in 2021 we figured daylight is also ok:

2021 Krönungsweg Bonn-AC 140k

Back in 2022 we started to conquer the unknown:

2022 The Mystique – 200k

Back in 2023 we started to relax:

2023 Biber Backyard Ultra

And what is next? After thousands of shared kms we rarely meet to run these days. But when we meet its for something big, something new – its for an adventure. On, on we go. Hop hop don’t stop!

Winter Sun

The sunrise of a winter sun during one of those longer adventures is a delicate thing. After 13 to 15 hours of darkness it should bring delight, joy, hope and a lot of other positive feelings – but this does not work properly while running.

Sunrises are beautiful and winter sunrises are amongst the most beautiful ones. The low angle of the sun above the horizon, the blazing hard winter skies sometimes mixed with dark black clouds – amazing.

And yet it feels distant – it feels like something behind a curtain. The hope it should bring feels weakened and faint, the joy it should bring is fragile and the offer of hope is misleading. On the one hand its overwhelming to welcome the sun again – its heartbreaking beautiful – yet, on the other hand, it belongs to a distant and somehow different reality. Its not meant for us – its meant for them. We can’t afford to truly focus on and happily dive into those feelings. We need the energy to endure and to carry on on our adventure. Every tiny bit of energy needs to be channeled into the mission to not give up – to not fail.

The sun during one of those glistening winter days feels hart and cold. Spreading all that lights on the surfaces we are used to seen in 2D LED-cones feels like wasted. All that beauty, all these wonderful reflections on all those wet surfaces are so astounding that its hart to stand. But those are not meant for us. A quick picture for social media and for the time being when the run is over is the max we can afford.

And then the sunset closes in. Way too early – as if we had known it from the beginning that this whole sun show was a big fraud. Showing the beauty of life to some but not to us. Luring us into false positive emotions.

But then – “finally” – darkness rises once more. Bringing back the hopelessness.

It would break us if we weren’t already broken.

And on we go. Into the darkness.

2023

After the pandemic years 2021 and 2022 with the two Slams (Titanic Slam in 2021 and Marvel Slam in 2022) it was finally time to get back to a “normal” schedule in 2023. Whatever that would mean.

February 2023:
As a kind of tradition the long-distance running year started with the Legends Trail in February 2023. It was the usual fight with the elements and with the own body – but at the end it was finish #3 at the third attempt. Maintaining the 100%. Its a race hard to describe but the final thoughts from my race report in February summarize the 280k of emotions quite well:

And then the moments were there. The moments I envisioned before and during the race – the moments I came for. Not just a usual Monday – the Legends Trail Monday. All efforts of the past long hours were meant to reach exactly this: the final 10k of Legends Trail with enough time that the finish is safe. As if nature wanted to join the party a glistening sun flooded the hills of the final stretch. It’s a bit like dream walking. Shook by the emotions of the upcoming finish. Deeply connected to the surroundings. Unbelievable thankful for being able to reach that point and to be part of this story once more. One of the last hills brought a nice view and standing there in the warm sun was an amazing feeling. It could have last forever but it was not done yet. There was a finish waiting, there were people waiting – time to ultimately finish it off – time to also tick-off the last kilometres of Legends Trail 2023.

LT 2023 – The Bus. The Walk. The Paradise.

March 2023:
As a Legends Trail cool-down I decided to enter the flat 24h race in Sittard. A nice and boring course – no excuses at hand for any break. I secretly hoped for a PB (>166k; something in the range of 180k should be doable for I hope) but at the end there was still some tiredness in the body so the mind could not push and required some breaks. I DNFed with a 100 mi attempt – at least the minimum goal was achieved.

April-June 2023:
In April we seized the chance to test out the new hiking trail Venntrilogie, in May we met for a running weekend in Sauerland and finally the first Backyard of 2023 in June – the Biber Backyard Ultra. Tough track for a backyard and mind and body were not really ready that day so it ended early.

July 2023:
Summer. Usually a time unsuited for running. But it was time to collect another long distance and the Schinder Prison Break offered a new format for me and a new chance for some decent running. Even better: as it was an escape running event it involved a lot of planning of the best track on the computer before it even started. Something I really love. The event itself was a great journey. The first night I was alone with my backpack but then I was accompanied by a great crew. The greatest crew. Car support, running without backpack, meeting my friends. It made running in the heat much more comfortable (although it was still a real torture). 48h of escaping and 241k – it was a nice adventure.

Prison Break 2023 – without crew you can’t conquer the desert!

August 2023:
Another transition month – connecting two long events. The home event – the Monschau Marathon – offered a good chance to squeeze in a long run. I never ran the K70 distance before and with a midnight start in Aachen it nicely added up to a 100k training run.

September 2023:
Showtime again. This time further away from home and for the first time in the lovely Vosges region in France. 200k Infernal Trail des Vosges was a well organized event. A bit too big and too commercial compared to what I usually run but a great team and great supporters at start/finish and the various CPs. A midnight start with a burning Infernal logo, a really spicy track, over 10k D+ of elevation gain and a brutiful landscape. On top of this – again hot weather. A tough one – 50 hours of fighting and it was done. It was satisfying to see that these things are doable backed with the experience of the last years. All in all a great trip – thanks to Claudia for the support.

The Vosges@Infernal Trail des Vosges

October-December 2023:
The final period of the year. Plans were made and could not executed. As an alternative and to get another long run in I chose another hiking track which is fairly new on the map of NRW and in a region I’ve never been before. It was a nice run on the Hohe Mark Steig but also pretty lonely and tough in a most of the time empty stretch of land.

In total 5×100 mi+ runs in 2023 – 2 less compared to 2022. Around 3800 km in 2023 – also less km compared to 2022. 72k of D+ in 2023 in total. A difficult year in many aspects but a year with great moments while running and some rare shared moments with good friends.

DateTime[km]#
Legends Trail 202317.02.202366h 56m275,0031
24h Sittard 202318.03.202324h 0m163,0032
Schinder Prison Break 48h 202307.07.202348h 0m241,5933
Infernal Trail des Vosges 202307.09.202350h 14m215,8034
Hohe Mark Steig 202301.11.202328h 36m161,0035
Sum1262h 29m6.676
Average36h 4m190,75
Updated List of Ultras – +5 in 2023
Statshunter as of December 2023 #tilehunter

The picture of the year can only be the one below – curious what 2024 may bring?!

Hydration while running – so important!

It Does Not Matter

An often discussed question while comparing different distance running tasks is: what is more difficult? The only true answer is – it does not matter.

But lets have a look into the various factors which can contribute to difficulty and what they may/should/can mean – or at least: what they mean to me while striving:

Support. Clearly this is a nice to have. Really. It helps a lot to see friendly faces esp. if their supply bottles are full. On the other hand this distracts you. Breaks your rhythm. And no matter how desperate you were waiting for those moments of relieve – at the end they are dangerous. Offering you a possibility for an easy way out. A quick DNF. You cool down (body and mind) quite fast and its getting more and more difficult to get back into it the longer you rest. To leave those nice folks to continue is getting more and more brutal.

Race Atmosphere. Also great. A lot of people source all of their energy from the competition. But to be dependent from this does not help at all. What if you end up in these useless and nonsense adventures you do with a bunch of friends. There is no one competing. No one to run to or away from. Sometimes no one is following what you are doing. What drives you then? What is THE motivation to finish although its stupid? I overcame this a long time ago. I can envision an entry into an excel sheet, a Garmin badge or the chat entry into a group of idiots as my reward and grade it equally high as an official finish at a race. I would have stopped a million times if I needed a race around me (I still enjoy the atmosphere though).

Other Runners. Also a nice thing. Even better if its friends during one of the stupid long adventure runs. On the other hand its not only you then. A certain percentages of their problems become yours as well. If the other(s) DNF what are you going to do? Will you have the guts or will you fall as well? So to be able to manage everything alone is essential. Maybe esp. in the moments where you are not alone. Because everything can happen.

CPs. Similar to support. Really nice. A warm, cozy and safe place if you are lucky. Some food. Friendly people. So why not stay for good? So many runners couldn’t resist the comfort. So enter the door carefully. Brace yourself. Make sure to remain a cold, distant and not belonging atmosphere deep inside you. While eating through delicious Tortellini with ham, cheese and pesto (credits to CP4@LT – you are amazing!) be clear to yourself: your destiny is that dark world outside of that door. All too soon you will need to face the hell again.

Conditions. Nothing to say here really: its the same for everyone. Of course that is a strange statement when its only the two of you out there on that ferry in Ijmuiden with rain and wind howling and punching your face. Its around 4°C but feels like freezing. Its the middle of the night and every human on earth is safely sleeping. But. So? Its the same for everyone. Just shout it often enough into that night until it makes you laugh or believe. Whatever. It does not matter.

At the end it should be crystal clear: it does not matter. Not at all.

What drives me at the end is shear determination. Determination to get the task done. What else would have made me finish?

That one LEO180 at the end of night 2 – alone for what felt like days. With a bad ankle. It hurt quite a bit and although nothing serious it was immensely annoying. I stuffed frozen gras into my socks to cool. Then I met a surprise support which felt nice until I realised that the promised Coke was empty. There I stood. Too far from finish to dream with enough issues for a solid DNF. With my no coke face. But I started to realize that I should accept all my issues. Welcome them. Collect them. Wear them like an invisible crown. Make them my little treasures and make it my task to deliver them to the finish.

That other LEO180. This time it was the two of us. After a horrible second night we were left with 60k and 10h of time limits. Moving with 4-5 km/h. A clear DNF – 0% chance to finish. Both of us were at the very low. But B. came up with a little game. We should run 6k starting from the full hour without any excuses and stops and were then allowed to walk the rest of the hour. We finished with 50min spare.

There are tons of more moments like this – you will find them in all those report across that page. Letting the demons and problems being a part of you has been THE essential thing to get it done. Each and every situation was too much to endure – the relieve of resistance and finally finishing is a priceless reward.

No-Coke-2018

Hohe Mark Steig 2023

The Hohe Mark Steig is the main hiking route in the Naturpark Hohe Mark. Its a pretty recent addition to the hiking trail network and was opened during Corona times. Next to the main route there are tons of shorter side/theme/connection trails. The 6 main stages of the #hohemarksteig from Wesel to Olfen add up to roughly 140k (I started at the train station in Wesel). There is an extra section called “Wasserroute” looping back from Olfen to Haltern am See. All in all it added up to somewhat around 160k – and we all know what that means.

As it was a last minute decision I parked the car in Haltern to be able to have one supply/safe spot after 94k and a secured ride home. After the usual DB experience in the trains between Haltern and Wesel I start around noon from Wesel.

Here is the story of the run:

As a start into the run season with very view CPs I decided to go all in with gear. This means 3-4 L of liquid, 1-2 kg food, a bag of additional/replacement clothing, first aid equipment, a certain amount (ok a rather generous amount) of electronic (power banks/cable). All in all with backpack 10-12 kg.

The Hohe Mark Steig connects like a band the interesting areas in the Naturpark Hohe Mark. As there is a lot of connection needed long stretches of the Hohe Mark Steig are broad and straight forest/open field stretches. Also lots of km following canals/rivers both “on Deich” as well as on asphalt are included. This is worth mentioning for the pure trail guys – nothing for you. The best description would be the german race category “Landschaftslauf”. All in all a wide open, empty and flat area and the Hohe Mark Steig connects it well. The smaller areas like the Venn part at the beginning the Hohe Mark forest as well as “Die Haard” forest are nice to visit (for whatever reason some of them were pretty dark so don’t ask for too many details – I may have missed them). If you are interested in visiting the area but not interested in running it all I would plan 2-3 loop tours starting in Haltern covering Die Haard, Hohe Mark and the lake area. Should be easy to squeeze those day tours out of Hohe Mark Steig and all of those connection trails/theme routes. Also Wesel and the Venn area would make a nice day hike. Lastly to those real ultra runners: go grab an FKT. With support this should be a really fast 100 miler!

I took it easy trying to enjoy the environment as much as doable. Tried to reset the tiredness with a one hour car break from 0230-0330 in the night – repacked food and water as well and started on the last stretch.

All in all a nice little adventure. The feeling of remoteness, endless nights and disconnection with the world is back. Tempted to say finally. It´s the love and hate relationship between real discomfort and the feeling of wandering beyond which defines distance running for me.

Few more pictures:

General Remarks:

Last not least: the marking is really good for 98% of the way. Very view sections are not perfect. The marking did not match the GPX to 100% as well – but this may be my mistake. Also there – its really close and not a big deal. Only those who zoom in on their devices would notice. One thing though: they build up new shelters along the – many of them. Which is great. BUT: there is nothing in – only a small board at the back where you can stand/lean/sit sort of thing. NO bank to properly sit and sleep. I mean – that is clearly a missed opportunity. The official banks you find plenty along the way are nice and purple but only designed so that two people can sit on them. Most of them have no back and are way to short to lay down. Can it be that they are not meant to sleep on? Can’t be or?

Hohe Mark Steig

Change of plans. Instead of the planned long run it will be a shorter edition starting tomorrow around noon. Exploring the Hohe Mark Steig (https://www.hohe-mark-steig.de).

Live Tracking:

https://tim-weissbach.legendstracking.com

Live Update via WhatsApp Group:

WhatsApp Pfadsucher

Live Update via Insta-Story:

Instagram Pfadsucher

DNF

By following the live-scoring of the individual Championships of Backyard Running (aka. Big Dog´s Backyard Ultra) which may or may bot approximately half-way of what everyone think could be the limit – there is an interesting terminology to be found on that tracking page.

In normal ultra races there are usually three things which can happen apart from finishing:

DNS: Did Not Start/Show aka “something went wrong and that’s why I couldn’t come”

DSQ: Disqualified aka “oops”

DNF: Did Not Finish aka “‘something‘ happened along the way which, unfortunately, made me diverge from the initial plan of finishing. You know. Well. Fuck.”

The Backyard family added three more detailed sub-levels to DNF – among them one really great one. Those three sub-levels are:

OVER: Backyard-specific expression of finishing (a loop) but over the given time limit of one hour per loop.

DNC: Did Not Complete loop. Well – it says quite clearly what it is. But in an honoring way. Its not a simple DNF – it values somehow the runner who had the guts to start the (most of the time) hopeless try to complete another loop. To go out another time. To fight the overwhelming task.

And then there is:

RTC: Refuse To Continue. And I mean: wow. Its not a simple DNF – its an RTC. A REFUSE to continue. Its a different and way more intense expression of a delicate situation. We all know runners (incl. ourselves) and their (our) various reasons and explanations of why they (we) did not finish a certain run/race. But the deeper story behind most of those “stories” is nicely summarized by the expression: RTC. Because at the end – whomever/whatever we are blaming for our failure – the reason of discontinuing is mostly to be found within ourselves. The strong inner voice, the strong outside discomforts, the whatever – it is our decision and its an active one. We actively refuse to go further because in front of us lays the uncertain beyond, even more misery or whatever makes us pull the easy option. The way out. The instant relief.

And by that I don’t mean to underestimate any effort taken nor want to criticise any RTC. It never comes easy and may be the better/safer/more reasonable/healthier option in many cases.

But still. Did Not Finish is a fact. REFUSE TO CONTINUE requires an active decision. A decision which could have been a different one. It feels like it leaves the door to continue a tiny bit open. Some would say both expressions are the same and technically that’s true. On the other hand – its a completely different view on the things – a view only those can understand who really dealt with certain circumstances…

Next time casualties arise I will try to remember – try to make myself clear that its me, and only me, who is making an active decision to not continue. It will certainly make the decision more difficult and by that hopefully pushing me beyond that point.

Just go on…